Guest Post: Dealing with Depression

The following was written by a friend of mine. I learned a bit about his struggle with depression when I told him about my anxiety. He said that he wanted to use his experiences to help others who were likewise struggling, so I asked him to write a guest post for this blog. He very kindly agreed and has put a lot of time and effort into writing this post. If it helps even one person, it will have been worth it.

My Story

I was in China studying and having the time of my life when one morning my world completely changed. I was suddenly sapped of all my strength, and everything seemed pointless. Rather than go out, I chose to stay inside alone.  Rather than interact with friends and teachers, I tried my best to avoid them. Happiness was replaced by nothingness.

Eventually I mustered up the courage to apologize to my roommate for my behavior. He was surprisingly very understanding of my situation and suggested that I meet with a counselor when I get back home.

After a few weeks I returned home to resume my studies. At that point I thought I was finally free of the emptiness that plagued my last few weeks in China, but within a short amount of time it returned and escalated.

Getting out of bed to go to school was a struggle, and as soon as I came home I withdrew myself into my room, where my thoughts tortured me. “You’re ugly. You’re worthless. You’ll never amount to anything.” These words consumed my mind, and before long I believed them. I felt like a giant anvil constantly crushed my chest, suffocating me. It became so unbearable that soon not a day passed that I wished to disappear from this existence.

To make a long story short, about half way through the semester I decided enough was enough, and started meeting with a counselor. At first I was extremely skeptical about everything, but over time I slowly opened up. From my weekly counseling sessions I learned that I had been suffering from depression for several years, and more importantly, I began to understand who I really am.

Dealing with Depression

Did counseling “cure” my depression? No, but it did give me tools to be able to deal with it. Although depression will always be a part of my life, I now know that I ultimately have control over how large of a role it will play. Despite this fact, I would be lying if I said the past few years have been easy; however, I’ve been truly fortunate to have had some experiences that have helped me cope with depression.

The first was before counseling when I was serving as a missionary for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. There was an extended period of time when I was depressed, exhibiting several of the symptoms I outlined above. At the time I had no idea what was wrong with me, and thought whatever was weighing me down would soon subside. It did not, and continued to severely hinder my ability to work. I remember one morning while praying I had the distinct impression that I could choose how I feel. Suddenly all feelings of despair were replaced by feelings of joy, and for the rest of my mission I was depression-free. Perhaps this change came from within, but I believe it came from God. This is one of my most treasured experiences, because at that moment I experienced a small portion of the healing power of Christ’s Atonement. While I may still struggle with depression today, I know one day I will be free from its chains.

       

My second experience was during the depressive episode after I returned from China. Every day after school I would come home and play online computer games for hours on end. By playing I was able forget about the pain. However, this was only a temporary solution, and every time I finished I would be left with a feeling of emptiness. It was during my online gaming that I met an individual who reminded me of myself. After several long conversations, one day she revealed that she had a difficult life growing up and now was all alone at college. Hearing her story made my heart ache, and I wished I could take all the pain away. I can’t recall the exact words I said, but I know I tried to comfort her to the best of my ability. I also encouraged her to give counseling a try (I had already had several sessions before this conversation). To my joy she later did seek help and was feeling a lot better. From our conversations I found renewed purpose in life. I learned that I can draw from my experiences with depression to help those around me.

       

The final experience I want to share is a simple one. When I found myself falling into another depression last semester, I decided to start taking evening walks in order to counteract the symptoms. The walks proved to be extremely therapeutic and helped me take my mind off things. I will never forget what happened during one of those walks. As I was nearing home I had the sudden realization that I am a unique individual in this world, and that while I am nothing in the grand scheme of things, I still help complete God’s creation. At that moment tears streamed down my face, and I knew that God loves His children.

Conclusion

Perhaps you are struggling with depression and feel things will not get any better. My advice to you is to hang in there. During my most trying times I chose to remain in this world, and discovered that that no matter how bleak life may seem it still has meaning. Even as I write this I find that fact hard to believe, but deep inside I know it is true. While you may share different beliefs, I am confident that everybody is entitled to similar experiences that I’ve shared above. The road ahead won’t be easy. In fact, as life goes on we will still face many challenges. Sometimes it may feel like we are trapped in a sea of darkness with nowhere to go and no one to turn to, but I know as we endure it well we will discover glimmers of light that pierce even the thickest of darkness.