Decision to Serve: Part II

Flash forward to the beginning of summer. My anxiety was much better, but I was still having a hard time adjusting to my new ward. So I asked for a blessing. During that blessing I felt Heavenly Father’s love for me so strong that I suddenly had an intense desire to share that love with all the world. As I was getting ready for bed that night, I announced to my roommate, “I want to go on a mission!”

“Are you sure?” she asked. “Remember what happened last time.” As if I could forget. But she was right; I wasn’t 100% sure, and I didn’t want to jump into anything without being absolutely positive that this time, it would work out.

So I thought about it, and I prayed. And one day at the temple, waiting to do baptisms, the thought of it felt really, really good. But I still was not 100% sure. So I thought about it some more. And one night, while saying my nighttime prayers, the thought came to me: “You’ve already made your decision.” Which was true; I wanted to go and I’m stubborn enough that it would take a lot to change my mind. But still I wasn’t 100% sure that this was what Heavenly Father wanted for my life. So I thought some more, and I prayed some more. And while wishing one night that I could be 100% sure instead of only 90% sure, the thought came into my head: “Can’t you take a leap of faith?” and I knew I had my answer.

So I’m going on a mission, and I am so happy. I get to serve the Lord and draw closer to the Savior while helping others draw close to Him as well. I get to love people and teach them that there is hope and there is joy and most of all there is healing. I am so excited to go.

I am also completely terrified. I get to be away from all my friends and family for eighteen months. I get to work hard every hour I am awake, with no time to spend on just me. I get to be with another person 24/7 – a serious difficulty for someone like me who really likes her quiet alone time. Also, I really don’t deal well with change. I get anxious, and sometimes I get a little depressed, and overall it’s just a huge challenge – one I’m not sure I can deal with while still managing to be an effective missionary.

It’s times like these that I am grateful for my stubbornness and the way it keeps me going, because even though I am not sure how it will turn out, I am taking that leap of faith. I am putting my trust in Heavenly Father. He will not lead me astray, and He has given his approval for me to go. I don’t know what challenges may lay ahead, but I know from past experiences that He will provide a way for me to get through them. So however difficult these eighteen months may be, I am going on a mission, and I know it will be worth it.

Guys, I’M GOING ON A MISSION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!